I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
