You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
