ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
this hospital has no fireball
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
