I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
