clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
