u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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