if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
