They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize