Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
