break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
