She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
