I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
