I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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