Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
