i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
