3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
