I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
