I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
