I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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