'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
