Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
