I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
