Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
