I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
