dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I will be naked everywhere
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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