I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
