Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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