Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
