What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
