and you said cock pushups were impossible
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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