i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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