Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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