he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
