Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
