he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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