if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
