At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
