Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
