he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
