Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
