Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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