***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
