i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
