she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
