I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
