I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
