Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
