i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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