I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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