It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
