Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
