ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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