i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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