I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
